Reflection and Remorse (part 2)

Posted on Mon Mar 12th, 2018 @ 10:03pm by Lieutenant Commander Mira Jayde & Lieutenant Commander Jason Smoak
Edited on on Mon Mar 12th, 2018 @ 10:05pm

1,321 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Ghost of a Chance
Location: Holodeck
Timeline: 2200 hours

[CONTINUED]

[OLD]

No. It wasn't true. "You infiltrated our unit, pretended to be one of us, lied to us. Then you betrayed us and ran away." She choked back a sob. She would not cry. Not in front of him. "I saw it. Your service record. Special Agent Smoak."

[NEW]

"You saw the record of the man I used to be. Not the one that you helped change." Jason replied. "The man on that record wouldn't have warned you. He wouldn't have risked his career to help you escape. The record you saw was someone I haven't been since before I met you."

"You betrayed us and then you ran away. It was only luck that we weren't caught." The information she received said he was assigned to their ship, to capture them and take down their cell. And now... It couldn't be true.

"You aren't the ones I betrayed! Dammit, Elf. How convenient do you think it was to receive a warning, but the other ships didn't get it?" Jason said firmly as he continued. "The other ones had agents on them too. Your whole cell was supposed to go down, but I gave you guys a warning so you could get away because I couldn't bare to lose you. I wanted to meet up with you later, and I was even ready to turn over my uniform and leave Starfleet, but you never showed up."

"I never heard from you after you left," she said.

"I left a signature, in the message, that I knew only you would find." Jason replied. That couldn't have been right. She had to have gotten the message, unless the warning was never checked. If that was the case then they were both dealing with false information. "Did you check the warning for an origin?"

"I wasn't the one who received the message. I never saw it," she said. She couldn't remember who had actually received it. It wasn't her, and it wasn't Jayna. Apart from that, she had no idea.

There was a ring of truth in what he said. But if it was true...

Jason took a moment to think. If it was true, and she had no reason to lie, she could have never got his message. So, her not showing up could be do to her never seeing it. He placed his hands on his forehead and closed his eyes. Suddenly, his eyes shot opened, and he took a hold of her hand. "It's still there. It has to be still there."

"What has to be where?" she asked. She stepped back. "Look, all I know is you disappeared and then we got a warning about a trap. A week later, I received an anonymous message saying you'd betrayed us and now that your mission was over, you left. Attached was your Starfleet file."

"Someone sent you my file?" Jason raised a brow. "What the hell? Only a limited amount of people knew about it so who-" He stopped. His eyes widened. Suddenly, a few more things were being made very clear. "Do you still have that anonymous message?"

He was telling the truth. She'd long ago learned the signs, the body language the tone in the voice. But if he was telling the truth, then everything she'd believed for the past twenty years was a lie. She needed to think. She needed to meditate. She needed answers.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach. Did she still have the message? She'd kept it for years, as a reminder of why she couldn't trust people. But did she still have it? "Maybe."

Jason stood there looking at her. He could see how hard this was for her. However, he was with her long enough to know that, if there was a doubt, she would want to make sure. "I am not denying what I did was wrong. I'm not trying to justify it either, but you know better than anyone that things can happen where peoples views are changed. Look at yourself. There was a time you would never put on a uniform and work for Starfleet, but here you are. First Officer." He went to reach for her hand, but pulled away, not wanting to cause any more confusion. "I can get my hands on the message I left for you. With your access, you can get a hold of the message I sent to the ship to give you guys a head start. It's case file: SMR24005. Believe me, I've never forgotten it."

She would find it. She would analyze it. She would tear it apart and make sure it was authentic. She had to know. But what if he was telling the truth? It had been twenty years. Half a lifetime. Half her lifetime. She was not the person she had been back then. And neither was he.

She put a hand on her face, surprised to find she was crying. "Computer, arch. Unlock door. Command override..." she paused, then sighed. "Elf Queen Gamma 12779."

The arch appeared and she walked towards it.

"Jayde?" Jason said as he quickly reached out and took a hold over her hand. He kept behind her, giving her a chance to turn around if she wanted to. "I've seen you like this before. We both know it doesn't help to have your head spinning around while you're trying to figure something out. Stay and relax." He said softly, slowly letting go of her hand. "You need it more than I do right now. Take my time in the holodeck. If you're going to do this, you need a clear head."

She stopped for a minute and then slowly turned around. "Jason, I will not take your time here. I...can't stay here right now." All she would do if she stayed was think of Jason and the past. She couldn't do that. Not right now. She couldn't stay here, alone with her thoughts. "I'm not the person I was then," she warned him. "I never will be."

"You need it more than I do. Change the setting, but take the time to get your head together before you do anything. If not for me, do it for yourself." Jason said softly before taking his hand away and walked over to where he left his board. He tucked it under his arm and walked back, stopping next to her for a moment to say. "I know you're not the same person, neither am I, but some times don't change. Even if you want them to just to stop from hurting." He paused for a moment before concluding. "For what it's worth, I am sorry for why we met, but I am not sorry for the time we were together. I couldn't fake how I felt, just like I can't hide it now." He started to walk to the arch.

"Please. I can't stay here." Not like this. She desperately needed to hide somewhere, but not on the holodeck. She didn't know what she wanted, but it wasn't his holodeck time.

"Neither can I." Jason stopped for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Do what you want, just do it with a clear head." He went to say something, but stopped himself. He couldn't say that. It would be too much. He just cleared his throat and said. "See you on the Bridge, Commander." Jason then walked out of the holodeck. He needed to make some calls.

Jayde watched him go, then continued to stare at the door for several minutes. Finally, she said. "Computer, end program."

The beach disappeared, leaving just the empty holodeck, and her wet clothes. She walked over and put on her skirt and blouse, then sat o the floor and cried.


____
OFF

Lieutenant Commander Jason Smoak
Chief Security/Tactical Officer

Lieutenant Commander Mira Jayde
Executive Officer

 

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